Monday, 15 March 2010

I'm fr-ea-ea-ea-kin' out!

Ok, not any more, but I was.

So, there I was coming out of the pit. The pit's a sort of basement, which you get into from outside. I store old junk in it. Anyway, like I say, I was coming out of the pit, something I've done thousands of times, but this time, as I walked back, I stopped. A bug of some sort, something like a dragonfly, but not, had shot in front of me as I walked. And it stayed there. Hovering. Right in front of me. 


I stepped sideways so I wouldn't bump into it - hey, it might have had a sting, for all I knew. Anyway, I stepped sideways, and the bug moved sideways. Huh? I went the other way. The bug matched me. What? This is getting odder. I stepped back, the bug moved forward. I moved from side to side again, but the bug wasn't letting me past.


Now it was close, and I swear it was gazing into my eyes. I'm getting seriously weirded out. Was it communicating with me? Why? I can't speak bug! Maybe it's got a death ray.

OK, I admit it, I cracked. I spoke to it. I didn't quite get to "...and I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords", but I was getting close. The bug didn't answer, which was fortunate, I think I would have collapsed in shock or run screaming into the bush, or possibly run screaming into shock.

Hang on. Oh no. 

Maybe it was communicating telepathically and I've failed. I've failed, and humanity is doomed. What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE?

The bug just hovered in front of me. Testing me. I could tell.

Do I make a run for it? It *might* have a sting. Or a death ray. I didn't think so, but what do I know about alien insect invaders? Death rays. Killer death rays.

It hovered. Then it attacked. Straight into my chest. So rapidly I didn't see it. I didn't have time to squeal like a little girl.

Aaiiee! Aaiiee!

Maybe I squealed a bit. Killer death rays, remember. The bug hit so hard, it just bounced right off. No sting. I was still alive. So was the bug. It came in again, still fast, but slower this time. Had it learned from it's earlier mistake? Was it aiming the death ray?


It's on me! I could finally move, and scrabbled it off me, waving my arms frantically until, finally, it disappeared.

But what did it mean? Why had I been chosen? It was real.

I'm fr-ea-ea-ea-ea-kin' out!

My theory? Something to do with the bright red, yellow and white AMCN logo on my black t-shirt. That's what it hit. I hope it was the logo. Otherwise...

...and I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.

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