Monday, 22 March 2010

Deja not you, too

It's happened again. Well, not alien bugs. Not exactly.

This time it's a lizard man. I'll bet he has a death ray, too. But at least he seemed friendly. At first.

There I was, sitting on a sunny rockshelf off the Oaks firetrail when a lizard appeared. No surprise, I'd been sitting quietly long enough that he'd think I was no threat.  Obviously no threat, as he started marching straight towards me. I suppose that if I had a death ray in my pocket, I'd march straight up to something several hundred times bigger than me and give him the finger, too.

Wait a minute, he's not giving me the finger, he's waving.

Hello if I'm lucky. Goodbye if he pulls out that death ray.


Suddenly he was on me. A cold blooded killer. He leapt onto my leg and prepared to feast. 

My life flashed before me. Actually, it wasn't a full life flash, just an incremental update since my last full flash. A bit boring really, once I was past the whole insect overlords thing. And wasn't that a fizzer? Just like Y2K and swine flu, loads of media attention, then [sounds of crickets]. Didn't even have a death ray.

But back to my imminent demise. Perhaps my leg needed plucking before eating, because lizard man jumped off, ran across to my other leg, and jumped onto my shoe. Where he sat, master of all he surveyed. Largely, me. Unlike the alien bug, he didn't appear to be trying to communicate. I could tell he wasn't a lizard of many words.

But he did grin. Altogether too much grinning for my tastes. I was getting the feeling that a after a bit more sun, I'd be warmed to perfection, and little lizard was going to call his mother. I might be big, but so was Gulliver, and he was brought down to earth by hordes of Lilliputians and their tiny death rays (I think that's how it went).

Finally he moved, only to climb onto my pack. Fascinated by the blinking LED on my camera, and possibly thinking it was a death ray, he decided on a probably suicidal course of attack, launching himself...

...some time later, I picked myself up. I had blanked out everything that had happened during that final attack. But I was still alive.

The lizard? Nowhere in sight. Just in case, I, for one, welcomed our new reptilian overlords.

Once again, it really happened, and this time, I have actual video footage of some of it. My death ray^W^W camera was still in one piece. Unfortunately, the suicide attack somehow turned off the camera, so there is no record, or memory of the aftermath.

This is probably for the best.

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